The Horoscope for the Planet - Hat Tip to IPCC

As an earth sign, you are well balanced and have great depth. Many people speak badly of you, but your resilience never fails to surprise them, or yourself. Sometimes you feel like you are a mother to everyone, but there are limits to your patience and sometimes you get feel frustrated but you always manage to work through it.
Your 2050's will be dry, perhaps very dry, perhaps not. You will have periods of wetness, but overall your sunny disposition will allow you to deal with anything. By 2100, you will have rid yourself of all the flealike humans that populate your surface, but even if they don't survive, you will.
More than anything else, beware of false prophets - trust your instinct.
As you approach your third billionth year, be conservative and avoid any bangs of any kind, big or not.