Al Gore Confuses Senior Citizen Contributor to Grassfire

I'm on a Roll . . .

ROSEHILL: We all know, don't we, that global cooling and imminent ice ages are caused by global warming? We all do know that, right? And we surely all know that global warming is caused by global cooling. Right? And global cooling is caused by a buildup of CO2 in the atmosphere, caused by man made pollutants, such as happened 10,000 to 12,000 years ago, and.... Wait, I'm getting confused. Global warming is caused by pollutants caused by wooly mammoths, which caused the ice ages that killed them off, because they ate too much and produced too much flatulence. Wait, which came first, the global warming which caused the ice ages, or the mammoths which farted too much??? And what were people doing back 10 to 12,000 years ago to cause so much CO2, anyway? Probably driving too many chariots pulled by those mammoths. Wait, the wheel wasn't invented yet. So, did the invention of the wheel cause global warming, or global cooling??? Now I'm really confused. What's Gore's number? I need to call him to get the truth, don't I?? Al, help me, please!

I feel like I got a new toy...