Lord Nelson in Today's Royal Navy

Nelson: 'Order the signal, Hardy.'

Hardy: 'Aye, aye sir.'

Nelson: 'Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the
meaning of this?'

Hardy: 'Sorry sir?'

Nelson (reading aloud): '' England expects every person to do his or
her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious
persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?'

Hardy: 'Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal
opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting '
England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist.'

Nelson: 'Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco.'

Hardy: 'Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated
smoke-free working environments.'

Nelson: 'In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the
mainbrace to steel the men before battle.'

Hardy: 'The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the
Government's policy on binge drinking.'

Nelson: 'Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it
........... full speed ahead.'

Hardy: 'I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this
stretch of water.'

Nelson: 'Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in
history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's
nest please.'

Hardy: 'That won't be possible, sir.'

Nelson: 'What?'

Hardy: 'Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No
harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They
won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected.'

Nelson: 'Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy.'

Hardy: 'He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck
Admiral.'

Nelson: 'Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd.'

Hardy: 'Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a
barrier-free environment for the differently abled.'

Nelson: 'Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse
even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral
by playing the disability card.'

Hardy: 'Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in
the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.'

Nelson: 'Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons.'

Hardy: 'A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't
let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want
anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?'

Nelson: 'I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell
the men to stand by to engage the enemy.'

Hardy: 'The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.'

Nelson: 'What? This is mutiny!'

Hardy: 'It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being
charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of
legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.'

Nelson: 'Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?'

Hardy: 'Actually, sir, we're not.'

Nelson: 'We're not?'

Hardy: 'No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners
now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in
this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for
compensation.'

Nelson: 'But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.'

Hardy: 'I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you
saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report.'

Nelson: 'You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your
King.'

Hardy: 'Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural
age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your
life'

Nelson: 'Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum,
sodomy and the lash?'

Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on
corporal punishment.'

Nelson: 'What about sodomy?'

Hardy: 'I believe that is now legal, sir.'

Nelson: 'In that case............................... kiss me, Hardy.'

Is it just me or is Al Gore Getting Weirder and Weirder

Notice a resemblance?
Check this out.

Response to Stageleft on Witless Environuts

Stagie has one of the best blogs anywhere, and I suspect his comments here are valid, but that he likely has an inkling of my mischief.
In the post I tease a ecodude for his despair at people not feeling sad for melting glaciers.
I don't feel sad at all. Fewer the glaciers the better, I think.
Because, I just don't need them to be happy.
And neither do 99.9% of the world's population, about 80% of which have one worry - survival of their contribution to the species; maybe getting a cup of rice for dinner.
It is pompous to the extreme for a teeny number of urban do-gooders to think that they have some divine right to preach to the world that their path to truth is the only way.
Sorta Mormonelderlike.
But my mischief is aimed at the inability of those in the WWF and the rest of the ecocult to have the faintest clue as to how the other 99.99999% think. How they make their pitch based upon images that are as remote to an average person as are the beasts of the Kalahari. (average African tribespeople excepted).
Images of polar bears on shrinking ice floes or Antarctic ice cubes shearing off (especially when the images are bogus or actually evidence of the opposite conclusion - of ice floes expanding and polar bears being over populated) lose the support of civilians (at least those that even pay notice).
They are speaking Swahili to the general public.
Small wonder that they're losing the debate.

From the WWF (World Witless Feelgooders) - and 637 Facebookers

The hardest thing is convincing the majority that problems like global warming exist and are serious. He says it will take visibly melting glaciers to make them pay attention.
"Then they'll probably say, 'So what? We'll live without glaciers'," he says. Ottawa Sun

Finally the truth...
Fact is, who among us has ever even seen a glacier? Who has had their lives dramatically affected by a glacier? Why would we give a fig about glaciers, when we have fancy refrigerators that create for us all the ice we need?

It is difficult to read the papers today without breaking out laughing.

Meanwhile - Facebook - an online community with 50 million odd members - almost all of whom are in that 15 to 25 generation which are most assaulted by save the earth messages, has an Earth Day group.
It has 637 members

Doesn't Israel Have Bigger Problems

than this?

Toronto Star Hyperbolize?? Really? How About This!!

That poster drove home the message that, cynics excepted, Earth Hour has touched a chord with Canadians like nothing else in recent years. by Bob Hepburn

Touched a chord like nothing else in recent years?

Talk amongst yourselves. Has your chord been touched?

New Anti-Earth Hour Logo Released

Star Slags Dalai Lama & Rob Ford in Same Breath

My Flabber is Ghasted.
I never, ever, ever thought I would ever see this juxtiposition...

Lemon: Ali / Lewis Rumble in the Studio - Round 1

Fred at Gay & Right Wrote About Hirsi's knockout of Avi Lewis - Here it is - Originally posted last August,

But not Muhammad Ali and Lennox Lewis...
Avi, husband of loonie leftie Naomi Klein, scion to ridiculous moonbatty parents Michelle Landsberg and Stephen, son of David.
hat tip to CCD

How to Catch A Terrorist - The Iberian Method

Let's Just Ban the Olympics. Period.

Again, the Olympics have been awarded to a Marxist totalitarian state, and again the chattering race is on to deny the world the experience of seeing pansies and tanks in short pants finding a camera in front of which to cry or celebrate, but most importantly to shed tears of heroic joy or sorrow.

Again, the Olympic Games (called a movement by those closely involved - which leads one to thoughts of a different type of movement) will be used for propaganda by the host nation - as an opportunity to prove its philosophical superiority.

Now I know that with 500 TV channels that there is a desperate need for programming, particularly since online gaming and Facebook is now fully occupying the minds and eyes of everyone under twenty. But shouldn't every piece of Olympic programming come with the warning that "this broadcast is designed to poison your mind either for or against a certain philosophy. It might not be suitable for younger or other impressionable viewers. Viewer discretion is advised."

They Ban, We Ban...

BEIJING - China might bar live television broadcasts from Tiananmen Square during the Beijing Olympics, apparently unnerved by the recent outburst of unrest among Tibetans and fearful of protests in the heart of the Chinese capital.
A ban on live broadcasts would wreck the plans of NBC and other major international networks, who have paid hundreds of millions of dollars to broadcast the Aug. 8-24 games and are counting on eye-pleasing live shots from the iconic square.

I had a great buddy who got shut out of the 1980 games - remember them - when someone else was beating up Islamic asshats before we were? He accepted it, even after about 15 years of dedicated training.

We should shut them down.

The Chinese Communist despots are ambitiously working to take over the world. They are working to destroy the American economy. They are stealing every piece of industrial intellectual property they can get their hands on. They are murdering Falun Gong and harvesting their organs.

And they expect us to sit on our hands, while WE pay for them to glorify their morally bankrupt regime that sets fire to monks and runs tanks over students? Puhleeze.

Pull out now. I know it's not manly, but shut off all contact with them. Let them go back to the days of being the hidden empire. Let them eat rice. Stop paying for the poisoned product they dump on us. Leave their crappy 2000 dollar cars to rot on docks in Shanghai.

Retarget the nukes.

The Beauty of Socialist Dimwittedness

Here

Actually They Stand for Surrendering to Freedom Hating, Murdering Misogynist Nutbars

Why do I keep getting these things?

Real Inspiration and Heroism

Cartoon of the Day

Canadian Justice in Action

Sometimes I wonder what country I am living in . . .

A former Ontario police officer was sentenced this morning to six months in jail for contempt of court.
Perry Dunlop has repeatedly refused to testify before an inquiry into the investigation of an alleged pedophile ring in Cornwall, Ont., in the 1990s.
The Star Story

Perry Dunlop is not a bad person he tried to do the right thing and now look what happend he tried to stop a pedophile ring and now their telling him to testify and lie. I don't think so he did the right thing not to testify and now he is being out to shame for not doing the bad thing they wanted him to. I was there when they came to get him at his very own house. I am his very own neighbour! I am 100% toward him and his and his familie's freedom. I believe that Perry Dunlop is a very respectful and brave man and should not be put to shame personally.
Link to Above

Global Warming Fraud Imposed on Wealthy World

A few weeks back I noted in my column that when times get tough, Americans will stop worrying about whether polar bears have enough ice and start asking whether those white, furry critters are edible. That comment caused quite a stir, and I would like to thank everyone, in particular the folks from Alaska, for the great recipes they forwarded—“Bear Claw Cordon Bleu” for instance.
Whole story here
Lorne Gunter gets a nice link.
In 1989 I was in a discussion group looking to organize something called "Metroworld" which was to be a conference of mayors and municipal leaders to save the world. A learned and wise colleague at the time said, "Environmentalism only interests people when times are good".
Sure enough, the economy went in the crapper and so did Metroworld.
The same guy said to always be skeptical of anyone who ever uses the phrase "planet" in reference to "the earth". It's a sure sign of an enviro lunatic.