Saturday, August 23, 2008

No Newfoundlanders Were Harmed in the Making of this Motion Picture

I finally broke down and agreed to watch "The Shipping News" with my sigother, and I guess the most positive thing I can say in a review is that it wasn't the worst movie I have ever seen. It's about the son of an abusive Newfoundland father who's raised in lovely Poughkeepsie, NY and returns to the Rock with an unfamiliar aunt to find his roots.
The story-line comes from the 1994 Pulitzer Prize winning novel.
But here's what I really have to say.
No Newfies!
Not that there's anything wrong with that. Any Newfoundlander in his right mind would avoid such a girlie profession like he would an northerly gale. But not even a girlie actress was cast. (Note: Gordie Pinsent was in, but he hasn't really been a Newfie for 50 years.)
So the accents were lilty English (Judy Dench), Low Scottish (Pete Postlethwaite ), Slutty Upstate New York / English high caste (Kate Blanchett), West Texas (Scott Glenn) and worst of all, Leprechaun Irish (Julianne Moore).
I'd like to see it recast with Rick Mercer in Spacey's role, Mary Walsh as the old aunt and Shaun Majunder as the headless corpse that scares the bejeezus out of our hero.
Where was Danny Millions when you needed him - at least he could add a little real Newfenglish. Dere wasn't a
B'y, Moy Son, or chucklehead in the 'ole flick, Boy Gad, moy Son. Lord Tunderin'.

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