Saturday, December 24, 2005

Why The Arctic?

Why are we all so dog gone fired up about Canada's sovereignty over the Arctic?
I've been to Yellowknife, which kinda reminded me of Minto, New Bruswick without trees. Was nothing real special. And I know there's herds of walruses up there, but I've never heard of a real good use for wallruses (or is that wallrae). Do we still slaughter them to make girdles? Fewer and fewer caribou all the time up there from what I hear. And Han Island, my God its not even big enough to build a golf course on. I hear there’s lots of ice up there too, but again supposedly less and less all the time. I know those icebergs look kinda pretty but I wouldn't wanta own or bump into one. And I'm willing to settle for a picture of the big white things rather than enumerate them to see if there are any chilly souls who want to vote in the election.
And I understand that there are people who live in the arctic that we claim to be Canadian. As far as I know, they don't care about Canada one way or the other except that there has been all kinds of trouble and problems brought their way by their connection with us.
I know that the way it is now we gotta provide RCMP, CBC and all the other government services all over the place up there, when I get blessed few here in Toronto. Have ta keep sendin up troops who haveta keep puttin up flags when they blow over. Must cost a lot to do this.
I suppose it’s about the oil and diamonds, maybe the water. But I don’t see any more Canadians wearing diamonds since they discovered them up there, and God help us if we end up having to keep our cars running on oil drilled from under a hundred feet of ice.
And I know that they’re talking about the Northwest Passage again (comes up every hundred and thirty years or so) but I don’t see us needing it any time soon. We got Canada Post, Via Rail and Air Canada.
So, let’s give it up. Maybe sell it if someone wants to pay us a fair price. We ain’t doin nothin useful with it. I’m not one of them who thinks its “cool” to be a northern people. I think it’s hard to be “cool” when your teeth are chatterin’ and knees are knockin’. Maybe we can swing a trade for Hawaii.
Now that would be cool.

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